Its April now, almost May in fact, but I'm just getting around to updating thanks to the gentle prodding of my few cherished readers...
When I started this blog, G and I were coming out of an 8 month period of time characterized primarily by separation, lack of trust, and a lot of fear that presented itself in a wide variety of ways I hadn't yet categorized and labeled. It had been a time of worry without boundaries or definition and I think G and I both felt at loose ends and sort of wild with all of it. He was pushy and demanding and determined to be "safe" at all costs. He was erratic and chaotic both inside and out. I was a pushover and soft in my guilt and grief and worry. My parenting was erratic and chaotic but I was present and I kept him safe and fought for his heart and spirit the best I could.
It has now been another 8 months period of time. This time, it has been characterized by bonding, developing trust, and finding out that there is a place and time for fear but that it does not have to be part of our daily experiences. Griff has leaned into feeling safe, leaned into the discomfort of feeling vulnerable and trusting that grown ups WOULD keep him safe. He has explored misbehavior in safe ways, and learned that being silly is ok, and that boundaries and rules are good for everyone even when we don't all like them! I've learned that I can enforce rules and boundaries and that I too can lean into the discomfort of feeling vulnerable and trusting my instincts. I've learned that I can let him be himself in all his wild and sassy and smart 4 year old ways without blaming behaviors on anything other than "being 4". And we did it together.
Just as spring is a time of growth, rebirth, and unveiling of light for all of nature, it also holds all of that potential for both Griff and myself. We are celebrating big. We are going away on a vacation to just be: to be present with each other without timelines and obligations; to be in the moment, to have fun, to play unabashedly, and to get real with the sand and the ocean and the sky. I feel so blessed to do this but yet also proud that I've been able to navigate working and saving, and balancing both, so that while we are in need of this vacation, we are also able to take it. The universe and it's quest for balance... still the main theme in my life!
I'll be back soon with tales of our glorious vacation and with some thoughts on whats coming next for our messy, beautiful life.
