It's been a few months since I checked in. Three months actually. These days, my very fact-loving 5 year old would insist upon it being accurate so I thought I'd clarify. Three months=a few months. Got it? Now back to our regular programming...
As is typical, a lot of changes have been happening. So much universal struggling to create balance and the occasional reminder that sometimes the balance comes whether we struggle for it or just wait it out. There's been a fair amount of both struggling and waiting over the past three months. When kids are this young, change happens so frequently and it goes hand in hand with the old "two steps forward, one step back" cliche that I hate, but yet can't refrain from inserting at this point. Of particular note: my little G-man started Kindergarten... and has been THRIVING.
I've felt such amazing gratitude for that fact that I find myself embarrassingly teetering on the edge of tears whenever I think about it. My fierce little guy has the perfect teacher for his needs; she is young and new to teaching but is not a sweet and warm fuzzy pushover, rather she is a no nonsense, consistent, and structured teacher, with a heart that really understands my guy, and who also knows what its like to parent a kiddo like G. She is generous with praise and lets me know often that G is doing well, having successes, growing and gaining to balance out the days where he is "learning" and "practicing" and "experiencing" different challenges. And he is, he is doing ALL of those things. He has friends, even a "best" friend. He is mastering the frustration of learning that he isn't the boss all the time and that sometimes he has to give in. His social skills are expanding and becoming more fluid. His brain is whizzing along and he's in an environment that supports that and encourages it and feeds it. This kid is reading a full grade level ahead and doing mental mathematics that keep me on my toes (and very, very humble!) We are both, standing back and looking at the big picture, very satisfied right now.
As the summer progressed, Griff got his cast removed, spent a few weeks in a removable splint, and was finally cleared for resuming all normal activity just in time for two weeks of swimming lessons and then day camp to end the summer. Of course I heard the statistics of re-breaking the same bone and had an undercurrent of terror every time he fell, but we got through it and now, a "few" months later, he remains unbroken and strong and his once broken arm is nearly as straight as his other one - probably only I can tell the difference. He conquered his first battle with poison ivy - a battle requiring both oral steroids and antibiotics and a LOT of patience...and learned the hard way that when I tell him we STAY on the bike path, I mean that we STAY on the bike path. You know, of all 4 of my children, he is very naturally exhibiting the same exact character trait that they have all inherited from me: we like our lessons learned the hard way, and independently. Sigh.
I am so proud of this fierce, independent, self protecting, smarty pants.
Over a year ago I left a job I loved and was dependent upon the universe to provide for us, and it did. I worked for a full 12 months as a per diem employee; scrambling for hours, no benefits, no sick time, no regular schedule. I worried for every second of it, and yet it all worked out. Even in the darkest moments in the winter when I was paying for prescription medicine for a sick little boy and hoping we could make the Ramen last for another two days, and I had to call out of work again; and even in the spring when I chose the trip to hawaii over keeping our savings for emergencies, it all worked out. I had to trust and have faith in the unseen, the unproven, the unsure. I didn't have a choice really but aside from THAT small fact, it was a lesson I needed to learn. To lean deeply without claiming victitude, without whining, without waiting for rescue. I mostly succeeded!
I say mostly, because there are other changes afoot in our household and I often find myself in a tornado of emotion and worry and doubt even as things are consistently working themselves out for the better. I chose to make some significant changes in my life last summer - changes that impact everyone in our house and to varying degrees. We've each one of us suffered some fall out, embraced the changes, felt the excitement and joy or the stress and unrest, equally. Its been different, and scary, and we have hurt some people in the process of making our own lives better which, honestly, really really stinks. It never feels good to hurt someone else, but even when you tread carefully and with authenticity and honesty, sometimes the agenda's that other people have for your life are at odds with your own truth. With utmost caution and thought, and deep reflection, I've made some choices for our family that some people near to us find objectionable. Surely I am not the first person to face objection when following their heart. I can say that I have done so though with such reflection, such planning and research, that I can only say, "I'm sorry you are hurt by this..." and do so without guilt.
Balance. Lessons. Independence. It looks like this...
