I can see clearly now...

At my job I see all kinds of people, all kinds of families, all different circumstances and dynamics.  It's easy, actually, to get burnt out, jaded, cynical.  Easy to see through the lies and stories, to see past the smiles and cheer to the hidden family service interventions and methadone treatments and drama.  Except for this... I am unfailingly optimistic and open and gullible.  I see the story they tell as truth.  I see their hope for truth.  I see their own belief in their own story and that their "truth" is more true for them than I could ever imagine.  I see their grief, and their joy.

Today I admitted no less than 10 separate visitors into the room of a momma who was in labor, in a hard and medically induced labor, all for the purpose of delivering a baby who had already ceased to have a heartbeat - a baby that was already being grieved for and cried over and for whom burial plans were being finalized.  A baby that had been loved and wanted and dreamed over and planned for and was birthed into heartache and tears.  They were LOUD and SAD.

I also witnessed a daddy, in full OR coveralls and mask, wheeling his very own momma in a wheelchair and leading a crew of 5 other family members down the hallway in a cheering, laughing, weeping, giddy mass of joy towards the nursery where they could gaze in adoration at a pink cheeked, dark haired, 8lb newborn baby - a damp, squishy, live and breathing baby. They showed me a picture of their newest member...  They were LOUD and HAPPY.

Listening to the euphoric giggles of one family and seeing their smiles shining light beams down the hall, and then turning to the tear streaked, soft, drawn faces of the grievers showed me more truth today than any person has ever spoken.

This is a hard, hard world.  Nothing is fair.  Life isn't easy.  People lie. Good things happen, and bad things happen, and sometimes to people who don't deserve what they end up with.  And at the end of the day, there is always balance.  Maybe not individually, but globally... and as part of the global population? I place my tears in the hands of the universe and I wait for my joyous giddy light beams.