Three Years Ago

Three years ago.  Three years ago seems like so very long ago - until I look at my child and his skinned up knees and his big brown eyes and hold him on my lap and then I think, "Three years ago was yesterday!"

Facebook gave me a memory today.  A memory from three years ago.  This is what I posted on Facebook three years ago, today:

August 4, 2016 

Last winter *G was just 3 and a half I discovered that G had been being mistreated at his daycare.  I'll never know the full story - but it happened, and that's all that matters. I pulled him out of that daycare immediately and began looking for a new place.  I found a really gentle and encouraging place that seemed to understand the situation and for awhile things were OK but G was really exhibiting a lot of behaviors we couldn't figure out.  We did everything we could and worked with his teachers and the director but G was just struggling with interacting with other kids and reacting really strongly when reprimanded; and primarily only at daycare (in hindsight, three years later, we see that he was trying to find his own sense of control and to feel 'big' since he'd been made to feel so helpless and small by adults in the old daycare).  He was struggling so much and everyone involved was feeling pretty unhappy so 3 weeks ago I made the decision to leave my job and stay home with him.  He only has another year before Kindergarten and he needs this time at home with me to feel safe, to regain trust in adults, to learn that he IS a good kid and worth every second of time I have.  I will be able to get back my savings, my retirement, my paycheck - but he will never have another chance to be four and to feel safe and be at home with me.  So - today was my last day at work and I'm alternately terrified and excited!

And what a terrifying and exciting time it's been!  My life has gone through a lot of dramatic changes over the last 10 years but its within these past 3 years that its really begun to settle, to sort itself out, to be balanced in a way it never was before.  I haven't enjoyed all the drama and the changes, and honestly I'd rather not have to relive any of it ever again, but I'm grateful for the growth I've experienced, for the time I've had with my son and for his healing which healed us both.  Who knows what things will look like in another three years!!