My desire to "save" my son from the damages done by one of his caregivers was the driving force in my decision to quit my full time benefited job and stay home with him. It was the only choice I could see given his behaviors and how little time remained before he started Kindergarden.
It has been 5 months of challenges for both of us, and for other family members as well. There has been so much learning and growth happening within our hearts and souls that the two of us are surely different now than we were before. I suppose you could say that of any person after 5 months, whether they made a major life change or not - life has a way of growing and changing people regardless of their choices! - but the ways in which both G and I have had to adapt and adjust have been infinitely full of growth.
November brought a new part time position for me that took me out of the house more than I wanted during the time I was orienting/training. The necessity of income chased me through the days and evenings I was gone. Then suddenly there was Thanksgiving. I tried to slow our race through December but then we traveled 3000 miles to a family reunion which was an amazing time, and of course there was Christmas and Santa and now? Now is the time to regroup, re assess, and plan for more changes.
G has responded so well to being home with me now. He still is pretty resistant to any other person trying to correct his behaviors, to put it in a respectful tone. In other words, he digs in his heels and lashes out at most any other person, still trying to be the boss of every situation and always on guard against being hurt by an adult. I wonder if that is something I can ever help him navigate with more grace. He likes to be boss with me too, but has become more willing to be my friendly, cooperative helper on a regular basis. His trust in me is growing bigger and deeper all the time. He was a wonderful travel companion on our flights to California; funny and cheerful and curious, as well as respectful and charming to other passengers. Maybe that is just the nature of a 4 year old...
He has had some issues with breathing/asthma as the fall progressed, as is typical of him and I imagine we will have to deal with this long term. That will be the least of our worries!
I know at times G feels the need to play with other children, but overall it is still a difficult time for him when he does. His bossiness and easily overstimulated temperament can make a situation very UNfun for all of us. I'm still trying to sort out the way to meet his needs in this as well as create successful interactions for him.
Right now we are saying goodbye to the holidays and heading in to the endless dreariness of a cold New England winter so I plan on making "successful kid-interactions" a work in progress. There are a lot of indoor play places we can go to for "practice".
One thing I've discovered that took me by surprise, is that in "saving Griffin", I have unexpectedly saved myself. My own heart has been healed by being home with him, and with the opportunity to spend more time with my 19 yr old daughter, and has shown me that in this change, all of our family has had the opportunity for growth and learning. The universe continues to fill our lives with instances of hope, kindness, generosity, and love. I am grateful, more and more, for this life.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
December 28, 2016
October 3, 2016
10/2; Week 9, RIDICULOUS
Nine weeks.
Nine weeks of not working my 8-4, M-F, dress up and make up, income producing job; of running on a tight timeline and alarms and schedules and rushing and driving to work with worry in my heart. Nine weeks of yoga pants and fuzzy socks and no makeup and no alarms and no planned routines.
Nine weeks of processing what it means, what new schedules and routines should (or shouldn't) be, what my expectations are, (and which ones are ridiculous and need to be let go of), of budgeting and counting pennies and planning ahead and negotiating kinks and figuring out what all of this means...to me.
Nine weeks.
Nine weeks of not being rushed off to daycare and being dropped into the midst of bright, noisy, chaos, of bringing lunch and snack and extra clothes and stuffy bear for naptime.
Nine weeks of not missing momma all day, of not fighting over toys, rules, routines; of not being forced to share, no waiting and taking turns; of not being scolded, overlooked, unheard, excluded, and getting negative attention, for just doing what I do; of not having to cry, or hold back feelings, of not feeling safe.
Nine weeks of processing what it means now to be home, what new schedules and routines are in place (or not), what the expectations are (or aren't), of doing things one on one with momma or my sister, of making choices that I want to make and experiencing things fresh and new right in the middle of the day! Like, the library, the movies, story time at the big book store, going to visit friends of momma's, hiking the rail trail and collecting pinecones.
Nine weeks of learning how to ask for what I want, and to ask for what I need like momma is teaching me, and of how to get positive attention, and of hugging and kissing and sitting and staying in and going out and playgrounds and hiking and settling in to the natural ebb and flow of rhythms that work...for me.
Things are falling into place. The universe, or God, is leveling it all out, taking care of us, providing income and time and giving us opportunities to learn from. We've made friends, with each other, as well as with others, and learned how to be bored with each other and how to enjoy each other. A lot of the learning has been on my end, truthfully. I've had to learn a lot about what matters, and what doesn't, and it isn't an easy thing for me. I'm a little older and I've been down this parenting road before but instead of making it easier, it means I kind of have some pre concieved expectations of how this should go. I've been wrong about almost everything.
Things are falling into place. I'm eating good food and checking them off on my food chart so I have enough vegetables and protein. I'm having fun playing superhero's with momma; not as much fun as when my papa plays, but still fun! I'm bored and restless sometimes but momma makes me play with my toys or run around outside and I forget that I'm bored. I think this is how it is supposed to be. I mean, I don't know, isn't this just what everyone else does too?
The one thing I was right about? Quitting my job to stay home with my 4 year old son.
Lately I've heard from more and more parents, and particularly parents of little boys, with stories similar to ours. Daycare providers with rigid expectations hidden behind creative descriptions of "developmentally appropriate routines"; teachers with poor communication skills taking to texting about behavior issues, calling parents out on a 2 year old that hits, or a 3 year old that doesn't want to sit still during circle time. Little boys being called "violent" or "anti-social"; parents being asked to consider psychiatry evals and medication - we are talking about kids as young as 2! As far as my knowledge reaches (a pre-college career of babysitting since age 11, a college education and 4 children, a career in infant development/parenting, and family advocacy) age 2 is still a BABY. Maybe some of those 'babies' are precocious and talking and and seeming to be mini-adults, but they are, by and large, babies. A baby does not have a behavior disorder. Let me be clear. Neither does the average 3 or 4 year old. I am appalled at the stories I've heard. Validated, sure, but appalled.
Griffin has some undesirable behaviors that we are working on, and isn't that what we are supposed to be doing? As parents, but also as teachers in a daycare or preschool, it's about teaching, instructing, leading by example, reinforcing - it's all a process. And because behavior is about feeling and emotion, about situation and circumstance, and a dozen other variables, you can't expect to teach them once and never have to review it again... it is not the same as learning the alphabet or the value of the numbers 1-10. Its about developing the capacity for patience and control: things that aren't in place with toddlers and preschoolers and so "behavior issues" are not issues at all - they are just behaviors.
Developmentally, skill and behavior are always undergoing change, maturation, development. Even adults learn new behaviors and social skills thru workplace training, interpersonal development, and experience. What? Oh, you mean "experience"? Yeah, thats a THING. Skills are developed, manners learned, appropriate interactions taught - through experience. Not thru inherent assimilation. So you can't say that a 3 year old, with only 3 years worth of life skills (and only about 1.5 years of that having any concrete value) is in need of psychiatric evaluation, or professional intervention, until you have put in the actual time and effort of working through those behaviors. Seriously. What has our entire educational system come to that early education workers are feeling like they need to advocate for psychiatric evaluations on BABIES??
Be patient. Be kind. Be accepting. Make no assumptions. Take things as they are - when dealing with tiny children - and be accommodating of the genuine honesty and integrity of small humans... and don't be physically abusive to them...no matter how frustrating and infuriating and discombobulating they might be... they are just learning things, all fresh and new, and practicing them moment by moment. Just love them...ridiculously!
Nine weeks of not working my 8-4, M-F, dress up and make up, income producing job; of running on a tight timeline and alarms and schedules and rushing and driving to work with worry in my heart. Nine weeks of yoga pants and fuzzy socks and no makeup and no alarms and no planned routines.
Nine weeks of processing what it means, what new schedules and routines should (or shouldn't) be, what my expectations are, (and which ones are ridiculous and need to be let go of), of budgeting and counting pennies and planning ahead and negotiating kinks and figuring out what all of this means...to me.
Nine weeks.
Nine weeks of not being rushed off to daycare and being dropped into the midst of bright, noisy, chaos, of bringing lunch and snack and extra clothes and stuffy bear for naptime.
Nine weeks of not missing momma all day, of not fighting over toys, rules, routines; of not being forced to share, no waiting and taking turns; of not being scolded, overlooked, unheard, excluded, and getting negative attention, for just doing what I do; of not having to cry, or hold back feelings, of not feeling safe.
Nine weeks of processing what it means now to be home, what new schedules and routines are in place (or not), what the expectations are (or aren't), of doing things one on one with momma or my sister, of making choices that I want to make and experiencing things fresh and new right in the middle of the day! Like, the library, the movies, story time at the big book store, going to visit friends of momma's, hiking the rail trail and collecting pinecones.
Nine weeks of learning how to ask for what I want, and to ask for what I need like momma is teaching me, and of how to get positive attention, and of hugging and kissing and sitting and staying in and going out and playgrounds and hiking and settling in to the natural ebb and flow of rhythms that work...for me.
Things are falling into place. The universe, or God, is leveling it all out, taking care of us, providing income and time and giving us opportunities to learn from. We've made friends, with each other, as well as with others, and learned how to be bored with each other and how to enjoy each other. A lot of the learning has been on my end, truthfully. I've had to learn a lot about what matters, and what doesn't, and it isn't an easy thing for me. I'm a little older and I've been down this parenting road before but instead of making it easier, it means I kind of have some pre concieved expectations of how this should go. I've been wrong about almost everything.
Things are falling into place. I'm eating good food and checking them off on my food chart so I have enough vegetables and protein. I'm having fun playing superhero's with momma; not as much fun as when my papa plays, but still fun! I'm bored and restless sometimes but momma makes me play with my toys or run around outside and I forget that I'm bored. I think this is how it is supposed to be. I mean, I don't know, isn't this just what everyone else does too?
The one thing I was right about? Quitting my job to stay home with my 4 year old son.
Lately I've heard from more and more parents, and particularly parents of little boys, with stories similar to ours. Daycare providers with rigid expectations hidden behind creative descriptions of "developmentally appropriate routines"; teachers with poor communication skills taking to texting about behavior issues, calling parents out on a 2 year old that hits, or a 3 year old that doesn't want to sit still during circle time. Little boys being called "violent" or "anti-social"; parents being asked to consider psychiatry evals and medication - we are talking about kids as young as 2! As far as my knowledge reaches (a pre-college career of babysitting since age 11, a college education and 4 children, a career in infant development/parenting, and family advocacy) age 2 is still a BABY. Maybe some of those 'babies' are precocious and talking and and seeming to be mini-adults, but they are, by and large, babies. A baby does not have a behavior disorder. Let me be clear. Neither does the average 3 or 4 year old. I am appalled at the stories I've heard. Validated, sure, but appalled.
Griffin has some undesirable behaviors that we are working on, and isn't that what we are supposed to be doing? As parents, but also as teachers in a daycare or preschool, it's about teaching, instructing, leading by example, reinforcing - it's all a process. And because behavior is about feeling and emotion, about situation and circumstance, and a dozen other variables, you can't expect to teach them once and never have to review it again... it is not the same as learning the alphabet or the value of the numbers 1-10. Its about developing the capacity for patience and control: things that aren't in place with toddlers and preschoolers and so "behavior issues" are not issues at all - they are just behaviors.
Developmentally, skill and behavior are always undergoing change, maturation, development. Even adults learn new behaviors and social skills thru workplace training, interpersonal development, and experience. What? Oh, you mean "experience"? Yeah, thats a THING. Skills are developed, manners learned, appropriate interactions taught - through experience. Not thru inherent assimilation. So you can't say that a 3 year old, with only 3 years worth of life skills (and only about 1.5 years of that having any concrete value) is in need of psychiatric evaluation, or professional intervention, until you have put in the actual time and effort of working through those behaviors. Seriously. What has our entire educational system come to that early education workers are feeling like they need to advocate for psychiatric evaluations on BABIES??
Be patient. Be kind. Be accepting. Make no assumptions. Take things as they are - when dealing with tiny children - and be accommodating of the genuine honesty and integrity of small humans... and don't be physically abusive to them...no matter how frustrating and infuriating and discombobulating they might be... they are just learning things, all fresh and new, and practicing them moment by moment. Just love them...ridiculously!
August 15, 2016
Day 6
I'm not counting the weekend days, because, well, because it's my blog and I can do it however I want to. That kind of logic is apparently the best kind of logic that actually truly works with 4 year olds. It's all about power, and I'm having to learn to really throw mine around a little.
I anticipated that routine, time, and structure would be things that I struggled with as I entered the daily life of a SAHM. I didn't quite realize how MUCH I would struggle, or that G would struggle too, but those things are hitting home rapidly. In the counting of days, today is my 6th weekday in which I am not working but staying home to raise my son...but it is also the 11th day in a row that I have pretty much parented him 24/7 and we are both beginning to fray around the edges a wee bit. Its a learning process for us, and I want to be gentle with my thoughts as we navigate this new territory.
He isn't used to me being in his face 24/7 anymore than I am used to him being in my face 24/7. He isn't used to not having nine and a half hours of structured daycare/preschool routine. I'm not used to NOT rushing to get out the door in the morning and then rushing thru an evening routine so he gets to bed on time. I used to be very deliberate about the time I spent with him on the weekend because I got so very little time with him during the week and I wanted to have fun times of connection with my son at every opportunity. I still do want those fun times of connection, but now I also sometimes want a little space, as does he! So thats my goal this week: structure, routine, space, time management. Yes, yes, I do hear the universe laughing at me, you don't need to point it out.
I got up early as if I were going to work, at 6:15 - not AS early, but still way before I expected G to wake up. I had my water and my coffee, surfed the net briefly, then laid out our meals for the week and a grocery list that took into account my very slim budget. Oh wine, I am going to miss you. I made a daily list of what activities were available for us to do together for fun, a list of things that I needed to do this week, and incorporated my daughter H's work schedule because I am still a chauffeur for her, and as a single parent, I am the only one around to shoulder that responsibility too. I stretched out some muscles that have been complaining loudly to me (at my age, lots of my muscles are complaining but these particular ones have been particularly hateful towards me of late) and when G got up, I felt mostly sane. I let him play on his Kindle while I got his breakfast and then got my own shower and self care out of the way. When I told him to turn off his Kindle at 10, and that it was going to be a new rule, he didn't even argue. Hmm. Well. That was easy? Yes, yes, laughing universe, I know.
Its been too hot to play outside since last week really but we did get out for a little bit today out of necessity (for the love of everything go outside and run a little kid, ok?) and that was about as exciting as it got unless you count the trip to the grocery store. Which really, it is pretty exciting to see how far money can actually stretch! Anyway, in the coming days, I'm aiming to see if I can pull together some sort of routine and some regular educational activities we can do either daily or weekly. I'm sure it will be easier when it's cooler outside (and inside!) so I have plenty of time for planning. He's already reading a little so it's not the academics I'm worried about, just the stimulation in general. If he's bored, he's in trouble!
I am still doing last minute tasks related to getting H set up for school. She had been living with her dad for a while and during her senior year of high school a lot of details fell thru the cracks so there is some last minute scrambling to get her registered for her classes at the local community college and sort out her schedule at work too. H requires a lot of direction and guidance so it can be a little time consuming, and it is also another example of adjusting my expectations about how something should play out. A lot of adjusting of my expectations.
I imagine, in my wild dreams, all of this would be easier if this were a two parent household. (what is with all the laughing in the universe today?) Or if there was more income. Or perhaps ANY kind of income, ha ha. Or maybe if we weren't all three of us crammed into a one bedroom apartment. Then everything would just...flow. Right? It's moments like this that I sometimes feel the pull of getting back together with G's dad just for the logistics of income, space, and having another adult available to share some of the burdens...but actually I did that once before and though those things did play out in some ways, it also played out in ways that still stick with me and bruise up my heart too much. So. We have what we have, we live where we live, and at the end of the day, everyone is tucked in safely to our nest and all seems right with the world. You can't really buy that feeling.
I have some income prospects on the horizon, I have a meal plan and a budget, I have some amazing friends near by and a crazy supportive online community that feels as real as my 17 year long friendship with my Karen who lives 2 miles away...and I am trusting the universe to help me out, even as it laughs at me. A sense of humor is important after all! It already is proving itself in caring for us - I mean, the lizard is still alive, so there's that!
Onward to day 7 and a wild plan for the library and Lego Club!
I anticipated that routine, time, and structure would be things that I struggled with as I entered the daily life of a SAHM. I didn't quite realize how MUCH I would struggle, or that G would struggle too, but those things are hitting home rapidly. In the counting of days, today is my 6th weekday in which I am not working but staying home to raise my son...but it is also the 11th day in a row that I have pretty much parented him 24/7 and we are both beginning to fray around the edges a wee bit. Its a learning process for us, and I want to be gentle with my thoughts as we navigate this new territory.
He isn't used to me being in his face 24/7 anymore than I am used to him being in my face 24/7. He isn't used to not having nine and a half hours of structured daycare/preschool routine. I'm not used to NOT rushing to get out the door in the morning and then rushing thru an evening routine so he gets to bed on time. I used to be very deliberate about the time I spent with him on the weekend because I got so very little time with him during the week and I wanted to have fun times of connection with my son at every opportunity. I still do want those fun times of connection, but now I also sometimes want a little space, as does he! So thats my goal this week: structure, routine, space, time management. Yes, yes, I do hear the universe laughing at me, you don't need to point it out.
I got up early as if I were going to work, at 6:15 - not AS early, but still way before I expected G to wake up. I had my water and my coffee, surfed the net briefly, then laid out our meals for the week and a grocery list that took into account my very slim budget. Oh wine, I am going to miss you. I made a daily list of what activities were available for us to do together for fun, a list of things that I needed to do this week, and incorporated my daughter H's work schedule because I am still a chauffeur for her, and as a single parent, I am the only one around to shoulder that responsibility too. I stretched out some muscles that have been complaining loudly to me (at my age, lots of my muscles are complaining but these particular ones have been particularly hateful towards me of late) and when G got up, I felt mostly sane. I let him play on his Kindle while I got his breakfast and then got my own shower and self care out of the way. When I told him to turn off his Kindle at 10, and that it was going to be a new rule, he didn't even argue. Hmm. Well. That was easy? Yes, yes, laughing universe, I know.
Its been too hot to play outside since last week really but we did get out for a little bit today out of necessity (for the love of everything go outside and run a little kid, ok?) and that was about as exciting as it got unless you count the trip to the grocery store. Which really, it is pretty exciting to see how far money can actually stretch! Anyway, in the coming days, I'm aiming to see if I can pull together some sort of routine and some regular educational activities we can do either daily or weekly. I'm sure it will be easier when it's cooler outside (and inside!) so I have plenty of time for planning. He's already reading a little so it's not the academics I'm worried about, just the stimulation in general. If he's bored, he's in trouble!
I am still doing last minute tasks related to getting H set up for school. She had been living with her dad for a while and during her senior year of high school a lot of details fell thru the cracks so there is some last minute scrambling to get her registered for her classes at the local community college and sort out her schedule at work too. H requires a lot of direction and guidance so it can be a little time consuming, and it is also another example of adjusting my expectations about how something should play out. A lot of adjusting of my expectations.
I imagine, in my wild dreams, all of this would be easier if this were a two parent household. (what is with all the laughing in the universe today?) Or if there was more income. Or perhaps ANY kind of income, ha ha. Or maybe if we weren't all three of us crammed into a one bedroom apartment. Then everything would just...flow. Right? It's moments like this that I sometimes feel the pull of getting back together with G's dad just for the logistics of income, space, and having another adult available to share some of the burdens...but actually I did that once before and though those things did play out in some ways, it also played out in ways that still stick with me and bruise up my heart too much. So. We have what we have, we live where we live, and at the end of the day, everyone is tucked in safely to our nest and all seems right with the world. You can't really buy that feeling.
I have some income prospects on the horizon, I have a meal plan and a budget, I have some amazing friends near by and a crazy supportive online community that feels as real as my 17 year long friendship with my Karen who lives 2 miles away...and I am trusting the universe to help me out, even as it laughs at me. A sense of humor is important after all! It already is proving itself in caring for us - I mean, the lizard is still alive, so there's that!
Onward to day 7 and a wild plan for the library and Lego Club!
August 12, 2016
Day Five
It's almost 9pm and G is asleep. His daddy carried him into the house and I pulled off his flip-flops before he was nestled down into his bed. Now the TV is on low and I sit and contemplate all that this day has been, and all that it hasn't, and all that it could have been.
If I were working, as I was just a week ago, I would have been stressed trying to clear out my "task bucket" before the weekend, put out any fires that erupted as the day went on (and many, many fires always erupt on a Friday in a medical clinic!). I would have been frantically trying to type letters and do a mail merge and get them all in the outgoing box before 2pm, I would have been scheduling last minute emergency outpatient testing (mammograms, ultrasounds, CT scans...) and getting insurance authorizations for such procedures before companies close down. I would have been stressed about leaving on time so I could get to daycare on time - I would have been thinking about traffic and the time difference between myself and my oldest in a time zone 3 hours away and thinking about my brother in a time zone 6 hours away. I would have been thinking about how freaking hot it was and what my apartment would feel like when I finally got home and how much I would NOT feel like cooking when it was 87 and humid INSIDE...I would have been thinking about all the things I needed to do over the weekend like ironing, grocery shopping, bill paying, all mixed up with whether I was going to get an "incident report" from daycare and if my sweet gentle boy was going to watch me receive the news of all his "bad behaviors"...
But I didn't work today. Or at all this week even. So today felt less like a Friday, and more like a...um...I don't know, a Wednesday? I didn't even realize it was FRIDAY. In fact, I had an appointment at 10:30 that I kind of mistakenly showed up for at 10. At least I wasn't late? Today was like any other day: we got up, we ate food, we played... and then I thought I was late and I scrambled like hell to get somewhere early. Yeah... that's about right! How did I ever do this before for 12 years?
We did another "play date/interview" today and I had the foresight to leave G at home with H for the first part so I could really focus on the mom and the kids and really connect with them. That was, in hindsight, a really good choice. Last time it hadn't gone so well when I had G with me. This time was actually delightful and I had to really remind myself that kids are always nicer for strangers. Then I brought those delightful children back to my place to play with G and reality set in. G hasn't had a lot of experience with having friends over to play. So he was REALLY excited...and really hyped up, and he was tired and hot and hungry. Which, as any parent knows, is pretty much a recipe for "shit show". We planned on using the sprinkler so they were all in their suits and sun-screened up and ready to go, we had the spiderman sprinkler set up and spinning, and then the whining commenced. "NO! Thats NOT how to do it! No! Don't hold it down like that! NOOOO don't spray me! NOOOOO don't do THAT!" Ugh. It was MY kid mostly, although I did hear the big sister of the other two reprimand her little brother once or twice. I felt like a referee in a sport I didn't understand. As if someone had pulled me aside and said, "ok, so there are three kids of various ages and sizes and you get to determine who is right and who is wrong in ALL of EVERYTHING ok? so, GO!" I performed about as well as the contestants in that event. Taking them home felt a little like relief...
Then we went to G's dad house - a house we used to live in; a house with multiple a/c units, multiple rooms, a place with room to prep and cook...and I made dinner for 3 while G played and I got bogged down in memories...but thats beside the point. Several times during the day, G had whined about being bored, about not having any fun, about not EVER getting to do ANYTHING: after I let him choose when to take off his pullup, when to get dressed and what to wear, what to play with his friends, which side of the car to put his car seat on, and what food to bring over to his dad's. I was a little exasperated! I might have been a little "snappish". But only maybe. Once we were there, he was such a quiet happy little introvert; just like his momma. I cooked, he played, and when his daddy arrived, we ate together quietly and peacefully. And then I left and he stayed behind to play with his daddy.
So ends day Five. A glass of wine, a sleeping child, a bowl full of chex mix... and an episode of Criminal Minds - all is well in the world! Until tomorrow...because Saturday as a SAHM is pretty much just like a...Wednesday....
If I were working, as I was just a week ago, I would have been stressed trying to clear out my "task bucket" before the weekend, put out any fires that erupted as the day went on (and many, many fires always erupt on a Friday in a medical clinic!). I would have been frantically trying to type letters and do a mail merge and get them all in the outgoing box before 2pm, I would have been scheduling last minute emergency outpatient testing (mammograms, ultrasounds, CT scans...) and getting insurance authorizations for such procedures before companies close down. I would have been stressed about leaving on time so I could get to daycare on time - I would have been thinking about traffic and the time difference between myself and my oldest in a time zone 3 hours away and thinking about my brother in a time zone 6 hours away. I would have been thinking about how freaking hot it was and what my apartment would feel like when I finally got home and how much I would NOT feel like cooking when it was 87 and humid INSIDE...I would have been thinking about all the things I needed to do over the weekend like ironing, grocery shopping, bill paying, all mixed up with whether I was going to get an "incident report" from daycare and if my sweet gentle boy was going to watch me receive the news of all his "bad behaviors"...
But I didn't work today. Or at all this week even. So today felt less like a Friday, and more like a...um...I don't know, a Wednesday? I didn't even realize it was FRIDAY. In fact, I had an appointment at 10:30 that I kind of mistakenly showed up for at 10. At least I wasn't late? Today was like any other day: we got up, we ate food, we played... and then I thought I was late and I scrambled like hell to get somewhere early. Yeah... that's about right! How did I ever do this before for 12 years?
We did another "play date/interview" today and I had the foresight to leave G at home with H for the first part so I could really focus on the mom and the kids and really connect with them. That was, in hindsight, a really good choice. Last time it hadn't gone so well when I had G with me. This time was actually delightful and I had to really remind myself that kids are always nicer for strangers. Then I brought those delightful children back to my place to play with G and reality set in. G hasn't had a lot of experience with having friends over to play. So he was REALLY excited...and really hyped up, and he was tired and hot and hungry. Which, as any parent knows, is pretty much a recipe for "shit show". We planned on using the sprinkler so they were all in their suits and sun-screened up and ready to go, we had the spiderman sprinkler set up and spinning, and then the whining commenced. "NO! Thats NOT how to do it! No! Don't hold it down like that! NOOOO don't spray me! NOOOOO don't do THAT!" Ugh. It was MY kid mostly, although I did hear the big sister of the other two reprimand her little brother once or twice. I felt like a referee in a sport I didn't understand. As if someone had pulled me aside and said, "ok, so there are three kids of various ages and sizes and you get to determine who is right and who is wrong in ALL of EVERYTHING ok? so, GO!" I performed about as well as the contestants in that event. Taking them home felt a little like relief...
Then we went to G's dad house - a house we used to live in; a house with multiple a/c units, multiple rooms, a place with room to prep and cook...and I made dinner for 3 while G played and I got bogged down in memories...but thats beside the point. Several times during the day, G had whined about being bored, about not having any fun, about not EVER getting to do ANYTHING: after I let him choose when to take off his pullup, when to get dressed and what to wear, what to play with his friends, which side of the car to put his car seat on, and what food to bring over to his dad's. I was a little exasperated! I might have been a little "snappish". But only maybe. Once we were there, he was such a quiet happy little introvert; just like his momma. I cooked, he played, and when his daddy arrived, we ate together quietly and peacefully. And then I left and he stayed behind to play with his daddy.
So ends day Five. A glass of wine, a sleeping child, a bowl full of chex mix... and an episode of Criminal Minds - all is well in the world! Until tomorrow...because Saturday as a SAHM is pretty much just like a...Wednesday....
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