I don't even know.
I can't even.
I just...ugh.
So there's that... at least...
I think we stayed in pajamas until 2 or 3 pm on Thursday. I totally lost track of the day. I guess it isn't necessarily bad to do that once in awhile, but the pull to do this same thing every day is strong, and THAT is not healthy either physically or mentally. At some point in the day I noticed G being a little restless. So we got dressed and went out to pick up the new car seat we had ordered online for store pick up. We did that, and dropped H off at work, and then came home and put together the new car seat only to realize that it was NOT the right seat for us...and we planned on a return to the store for an exchange. We had also ordered internet service, with H (and FOR H) earlier in the day, so we wrote those dates on our calendar as "big events". I don't even know what we ate for dinner, probably something supremely healthy like cheesesticks and yogurt and saltines...with a side of carrots. Or something like that.
Later on we picked H up from work and then we went to bed. Just another day, just another day in paradise...
Friday was different. Late on Thursday I had connected with an online friend and made plans to meet up with her on Friday for the first time. So Friday morning we woke up and got moving early and quickly! It was a lovely sunny drive on backroads, with sightings of wild turkeys, pig farms, horses and cows, and overall incredible views. Meeting up with someone who is essentially a stranger but yet who has heard you rant and vent and express emotion all over the interwebs can have an awkward lead up to someone as introverted as me. I admit to all kinds of worry and a distinct denial of emotion as a coping method. But then...reality!
Meeting someone I only know online was such fun! Seeing someone live and in person vs Facebook pictures was amazingly seamless and without any awkwardness at all! There were hugs, and laughter, and a communal joy at seeing our boys connect and become partners in crime immediately. Introducing her spouse and my tag-a-long adult daughter eased any tension as well; we were just two women, with wild children and tag a long family members, who connected over shared global perceptions and non-judgemental hearts. It was a great experience...
It was a long day though, and after coming home, dropping H off to work, returning the carseat and buying groceries, we got home in time to pick H back up from work and then devolve into the crankiness of underfed, overtired, too-taxed energy levels, and hormonal women. The day started great, ended very poorly, but overall balanced out well for everyone. Playtime, work time, errand time, and all the detritus in between.
We were all glad to go to sleep on Friday night, with hopes and dreams for a brighter Saturday!
G had such a balance of fun, boredom, interest, irritation and frustration, excitement and stimuli, and even some sadness. And all of those emotions/feelings happened WITH me and with my guidance/boundary setting, and my supervision. I did a good job. I was NOT perfect, ohhhhh no, in fact, I was FAR from perfect, but I was THERE. That matters. That matters a LOT. A lot more than perfection I think, just being there for him was a critical development.
So I'm grateful. Grateful for balance, grateful for being able to 'be there' for my son. Grateful for new friends and new experiences. I'm grateful for being with H as well as G and grateful I had the ability to move my body, drive a significant distance, walk a significant amount of steps, and feel love and acceptance.
Friday and day 15; the end of two full weeks of being at home with my son... and all I feel is gratitude...and exhaustion!
I start my nanny gig again Saturday evening. Wish me luck!
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