- G no longer wets his pants (something he hadn't done at all until suddenly he started having "accidents" in early summer and only at daycare)
- G is cuddling more, actively reaching out to me for hugs, to hold my hand, to wrap an arm around my leg and lean into me when we are standing somewhere... (these are things he did before he turned 2 and went to daycare full time but he hasn't done much of since then).
- While I don't yet have a full grasp of his natural sleep/eat cycles, I know I will figure it out. I am letting him drive that process and am learning his natural rhythms - before he went to daycare I used to know he was tired almost before he was tired. Now I understand that he goes from "OK" to "completely unglued" at warp speed, but I still believe that we can work out the key signals and get back into a groove so we can prevent or at least prepare for the majority of his melt downs.
- G and I are having FUN together on a regular basis - something that was really missing in our regular day to day lives. Fun was something I forced us to have on the weekends in between chores and errands and commitments. (you WILL have fun and you WILL like it, dammit!) Now it's spontaneous, unplanned, and taking each moment as it comes, much like the way that a Mindful Awareness class taught me to pay attention to. Perhaps I can teach him this concept as we experience this time together?
- G still likes to argue with every. single. thing. I. say. This may be a "4" thing, or it may be part of the distrust that had built up (you know, cuz I'm the one that put him in a place where grown ups hurt him and I'm the one that told him HE needed to do better...I'm the one that didn't protect him) but it's pretty much on-going. There are moments when it's better, and moments when I am so very DONE with him arguing that the sky is NOT blue or that the ground is NOT wet... note to self: you cannot win an argument with a four year old. Not without physical force anyway, and I'm just not "that" person. Side Note: I'm getting really good at losing arguments.
- G still likes to test every. single. boundary. This is definitely a "4" thing. I'm pretty sure, at my age and with 3 other children under my belt, I understand that he NEEDS to test boundaries so he feels safe and secure but Mary Mother Of God!!! I'm tired... I'm so so tired of enforcing every boundary, every time, all day, every day. But that is what I do because that is my responsibility, and mine alone. And if anyone is going to discipline my fragile, broken hearted boy, I want it to be me.
- G still likes to call all the shots. Oh yes, this kid has control issues but not all of them can be traced to a lack of power in a crucial moment.. some of them can be traced to me. I'm sorry, world, but it's true. I have control issues and so does my four year old. We make quite the team, let me tell you!
Today I had a final trial run before taking on two extra kids for a nanny position while their single mom is out of town on a business trip. It was ok. I think G may have some issues with sharing my attention as well as some issues with sharing things in general. Over all he is still adjusting to a lot of changes over the past month, which for some kids is an easy string of seamless events but for G is like a huge staircase with steps that are a little too high, a little to narrow, and a few too many. So at the end of this day, I take yet another deep breath and maybe clench my teeth just a little bit harder one more time, and I hold my son close as I tuck him in bed and I ask God and the universe to watch over us both, again, still, so that we can get through this time intact and with love. I trust that angels are around us and that all our friends are thinking hopeful positive thoughts for us.
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