The thing I notice about G, which I've noticed all along but because of circumstances (ie daycare") been unable to negotiate and accommodate is that, like me, he needs a LOT of downtime, alone time, and decompression time. Whenever I do something that taxes my energy like - grocery shopping, going to a mall, or even going on a fun day trip somewhere, I can actually need to sleep it off. Or on a daily basis, it's why I stay up very very late at night after everyone else is asleep or why I get up ridiculously early while everyone else STAYS asleep. Thats how I recharge, how I bring balance to my extreme "introvert" state. I might appear funny and outgoing and kind hearted, but inside I am just planning my escape, LOL.
I think this is how G operates; although with far less insight and self awareness. In a daycare with a structure and routine and plan, there isn't really an option for "recharge" or "decompress". His last daycare had a lovely little "quiet corner" where kids could go to sit, be alone, and chill out. But it was, after all, just a chair on a rug in the corner of a busy active room. The volume of the other kids was still the same. The motion and color and visual/auditory input was still present, and there would always be the one other kid who also needed it and the ensuing struggle of sharing that "quiet" space.
All of that in conjunction with a far less ability for self control and self comforting/soothing - it's no wonder he had a difficult time settling into a preschool/daycare setting. Then combined with a provider who used physical force and shame and anger to discipline him when he wasn't able to cope? God... it must have been a form of torture, preschool style, and I cannot now erase that thought from my heart. Much like he can't erase it from his.
Today we went to spend time with our new nanny-friends. The kids played for awhile first, and then we needed to do some boring grown up errands like, Walmart.
The other thing about G is that he doesn't progressively deteriorate in behavior - he goes from "ok, this is awesome and fun" to "I CANT HANDLE SHIT" in the blink of an eye. I've been looking at his sleep patterns, the natural time he seems tired or hungry, and noting the kinds of activity or time of day that he seems to be tired or overwhelmed and it STILL takes me by surprise when it happens. I may need to write it all down in detail to see if I can find a better pattern or create a stronger awareness - but for now, lets just say that we had a "thing" in the middle of Walmart and it was totally my fault...as was the "thing" we had after bathtime.
At Walmart we were randomly browsing items as we made our way from one side of the store to the complete opposite side to compare prices on an item: why they had one version of it in the automotive department on one side, and another version in homegoods on the opposite side I will never understand, but hey, Thanks Walmart! And F.U., also... just saying. Anyway. It was fun and goofy and then suddenly it wasn't. It went from, "wow! look at that transformer!" to "i waaaaannna gooooo hoooooome! I'm hunnnnnngry! I'm toooo tired!" at which point it devolved into me snapping, him crying, a few sharp words muttered through gritted teeth and then we made our way over to the snack aisle and picked up some crackers. A miraculous cure! Right back to happy, cooperative, accommodating, friendly, charming... and he munched crackers while I searched out 3 perfect greeting cards. Weird. It was like the Snickers commercial for "hangry". Spot on. Hm... Must investigate this concept very very carefully. How can I prevent this?
And then the same exact behavior played out later on after we were back, playing in the room with toys, before lunch. I sorted out the sharing issues with only minor stomping and fussing (G, not me!) and then after he ate there was another whole meltdown and he couldn't put on shoes, couldn't say goodbye, couldn't even accept that we'd be back tomorrow: I carried my shoeless pal to the car and buckled him in for the 12 minute drive home. He fell asleep, slept thru the transfer in to the couch, slept for another 2 hours...and woke up like the cutest, sweetest, most adorable little monkey you've ever met. My word. What is this - sleep, low blood sugar?, artificial foods sensitivities? Must think hard on this...it could be a game changer if I can figure out a key component.
When he woke up it was almost 4pm. He wanted his Kindle, and given that he'd had such limited electronic use so far, I said yes. He took that Kindle into the bedroom where it was a little dark (thank you black-out curtains!) and stayed there the rest of the evening. I had to bully him into coming out to eat dinner with his daddy who had stopped by to say hello; had to bully him into a tubby afterward, and then to bed. All of that met with resistance, very vocally, and a lot of tears. Of course, he ate everything and asked for seconds, and thirds, of the dinner he did NOT want to eat; and then he spent almost 30 minutes in that tubby that he didn't want to get into; and then he had to sleep in my bed which he had previously said he would NEVER ever EVER sleep in AGAIN! Hm.
It was a long day with this boy today. A day in which I felt defeated a lot, amused a lot, aggravated a lot, and all mixed up with some general curiousity about how to make everything tie together so it gets better, easier, and sweeter. I love playing detective sometimes at work - I want to find the answer to THIS for G...and for me. I feel like the answer or the key will help to make him more successful overall in his future. In the meantime, I can carry snacks in my purse, watch his intake of sugar and artificials (do NOT get me started about the cost of whole foods vs fake foods!) and try to be aware of his sleep times, and think about his social skills, academic skills, health and well-being, our finances, the politics and our government, the environment, the lizard... and H's success at college... and J2's success at college, and N and S navigating adulthood on their own... oh god I'm tired.
I mostly like to deal with all of this with humor. A lot of self deprecating derpiness. Making other people laugh at MY expense is kind of a thing I like to do. I'm getting really good at it, ask Tina or Molly if you want to! But days like today leave me a little battered, a little dusty and used up, a little sunken and in need of something soft.
I will say good night to this day, and I will lay in bed with G who is decked out in Minion PJ pants, a white T, and batman socks, and I will utter a thankful prayer to God for the upcoming nanny opportunities He has provided and for the sturdy, solid, snoring little boy who will lay in my arms as if he never yelled at me, "I don't LIKE you! You are MEAN! I don't want to be your FRIEND anymore!" and I will think of all the people out there who are thinking of us - and I will pray blessings and fortune for all of THEM.
Tomorrow's another day, and I am NOT afraid... so bring on the rain!
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